


Set in Their Ways

by MistyBeethoven



Series: Strange Couchfellows [6]
Category: John Wick (Movies)
Genre: Bathtubs, Bombs, Comedy, Gen, Hitmen, Robin Lord Taylor character, Still just kind of stupid, Television, Television Watching, Tongue-in-cheek, nosy neighbour, repair man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 20:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19092538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: John Wick and the Administrator look for an alternative to television.





	Set in Their Ways

**Author's Note:**

> The sixth entry in a time diverting and admittedly stupid series.
> 
> Posted this to celebrate Robin Lord Taylor's Birthday. Happy Birthday Robin! God bless you! :D <3

There were two distinct disadvantages to having an infamous ex-hitman sleep on your sofa the Administrator had learned. The first was the amount of attempts that were made on your life on a daily basis. The second was the gross red ring that formed on the bathtub after said ex-hitman decided to clean himself off after killing his enemies. Trees developed rings to show their age; it was as if the High Table stamper's bathtub was trying to form one to represent each of John Wick's kills.

It was an _astonishingly_ large ring.

The Administrator was on his knees trying in vain to scrub it off, his usually immaculate slicked black hair sticking up in patches here and there, when he heard the doorbell ring.

The man let his houseguest get it, preferring to try to remove the stain instead.

He only ended up failing miserably.

Hair still askew, and sweating quite heavily, the Administrator entered the living room to find John Wick sitting alone on the sofa. There were no dead bodies so he took it as a good sign.

"Who was it?" the Administrator asked.

"The TV repair man," John Wick answered.

The shorter man sat down on the couch next to his tall houseguest. He laid his heavily pierced head down on the back of it, sighing very wearily and closed his eyes. "I forget. Was the television broken?"

When he heard no answer, the man in the glasses opened his eyes to find John Wick staring at him.

He took that as a no.

They turned to look at the TV set on the wall in front of the sofa.

"Fill the bathtub full of water," John Wick ordered.

"I was just in there," the Administrator complained before getting off of the sofa to do as he was told anyway.

Wick walked up to the set and looked behind it. There was a black box attached to it that had never been there before. It had numbers on it but the man doubted it was a digital clock. The assassin tried to peel it off but the spy who had impersonated the repair man had welded it securely. It had been a very wise move indeed: few people wished to live without their TV.

With his bare hands Wick ripped the set from off the wall and carried it to the bathroom, thanking God it was a flat screen and not the clunky dinosaurs from his youth.

The Administrator was leaving the bathroom as John Wick was walking in his arms filled with the the item. He threw the massive television into the water. It was a strange feeling;  any other time he had thrown an electrical appliance into a bathtub somebody had been in it and the device had been plugged in.

The Administrator started to run towards the bathtub: with 12 payments made and 12 left with an interest rate of 18% the High Table pencil pusher preferred to go with it.

John Wick grabbed the man: it was hard to find a roommate who volunteered to clean the bathtub and _didn't_ expect you to pay rent without having to sleep with them.

Wick kicked the bathroom door shut as they heard the bomb go off. The door flew off its hinges kicking John Wick back. A flood of water sprayed the assassin and the bureaucrat as they sat on the floor against the wall.

Both men were soaked to the bone, a spray of water gushing from the crumbling bathtub.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. John Wick and the Administrator walked towards the sound, their clothes dripping wet, their shoes making irritating squishy sounds and the Administrator's black mark under his left eye even more smeared than usual.

Wick opened the door expecting to find the assassin having returned to see if his dirty work had been successful.

It was something _far_ worse.

"So you nice young men were having a bath together, no?" Mrs Milner the peverted and nosy woman who lived in the apartment under them asked.

John and the Administrator looked at one another. Apparently the woman believed everybody took their baths fully dressed. The Administrator rolled his eyes.

"What was that noise? Did one of you trip? You should get a bath mat. Why don't you let me watch you? I..."

John slammed the door in her face.

"Don't open it again unless it's the fucking hitman come to put us out of our misery," the Administrator warned.

The man with the heavily tattooed arms walked to the bathroom which was still spraying water. If he had been wearing a gray wool suit he could have imitated Gene Kelly.

At least he didn't need to worry about the red ring anymore: there was no longer a bathtub.

He grabbed what little remained of the TV set and dragged it out of the tub and set it on the living room floor to dry.

He gave it 48 hours but remained disappointed; for some strange reason, after having been submerged in water and exploding, the television set would no longer work.

* * *

Missing their TV and not satisfied with a laptop screen after reaping the benefits of a 58 incher, John Wick and the Administrator took to the streets in hope of finding entertainment.

CHiPs was on the corner of Vine street and Elm as they watched a station wagon collide with a studebaker.

They witnessed a drug bust going down in a vacant school parking lot and considered it a mediocre episode of The Wire.

Game of Thrones occurred in a Mexican restaurant as they watched a line full of patrons fight for the right to use the sole washroom.

An old drunk man hurled insults at his teenage grandson as they passed one house and they had their hit of Rick and Morty.

Down an alleyway, an unknown HBO program was showing as a man hired a prostitute for $20. The Administrator and John Wick became creeped out however and changed the channel by bidding a hasty retreat when the stranger offered to pay them both $10 if they continued to watch. The dirty thrill of being a voyeur only paid when you were not paid to be a dirty voyeur.

Walking home they decided to buy a new television set in the morning.

"There are millions of tales in the Naked City," John Wick misquoted.

"Yes," the Administrator agreed. "They are attatched to the millions of rats."


End file.
